This week I have received text messages from two different people, about two totally different things; yet both were completely inappropriate messages. I’ve received some texts I thought inappropriate in the past, but to receive two in one week cannot go without comment.

So that got me thinking...since when has text become the primary or only means of communication? Don’t these people see that important conversations should be held in person or on the telephone, not via a 160 character, impersonal and meaningless message which results in more questions than answers? I refuse to enter into long-winded conversations by text. So here is some food for thought and a bit of text etiquette for those ignorant of the implications of text misuse.

TO TEXT or NOT TO TEXT...that is the question!

Before writing a text ask yourself a few simple questions:

1. Is it just a social catch up, to say you are thinking of them? If so, send a text
2. Is this something they can answer (to your satisfaction) in two sentences? If not, make a call instead.
3. Could what I have written be misinterpreted or cause offense? If so, call instead.
4. Am I seeking an immediate response? If so, make a call. If they are busy you can leave a message and they can get back to you.
5. Will it take longer to write the text and wait for a response, than it would be to call?
6. Does the person you are texting prefer a call or a text? Just because texting works for you, it can be the bane of some people’s lives, especially those who have jobs that require concentrated effort – the ping of the phone could be an annoying distraction.

Social text messages:

Listen! Friends will often tell you what is appropriate and what is not. Listen and take note of that...don’t just continue doing what you want to do because it suits you. Be respectful of your friends’ preferences. And don’t take offense if they don’t respond for a day, a week or 10 days...your “rules” might be that you expect an immediate response, however, they may work to different rules!

Don’t send text messages in anger or you will live to regret it. Once again, these kinds of messages end up making you look like the fool, not the recipient. Example: A few months back, I received a text message from an acquaintance that I had seen earlier in the day. During the day we had had a very pleasant conversation. Later that evening I received a text from him venting his anger at the way in which I had introduced him to a friend of mine. I had used a term that (although factually correct) he did not like - he had expected me to introduce him as a “friend” of mine. He went on to insult the friend I had introduced him to by calling him “Ginge” because my friend had ginger hair. I was horrified. Later I received an apologetic text stating he had written it but had not meant to send it and couldn't get it back. I contacted him by phone (after I had calmed down!) and I expressed my astonishment, annoyance and hurt. We agreed it was inappropriate and it would not happen again. Unfortunately he did not learn his lesson and went on to send another such text recently. Suffice to say, he has never made it onto my “Friends” list and I have since cut off all contact with him when I realised his behaviour was manipulative and dangerous.

Don’t send long text messages, about various different topics or justifying a particular behaviour (your own or someone else’s). Save this kind of text message for a verbal conversation. As stated earlier, it can create a range of emotions for the recipient if misinterpreted - or even if not. This kind of text message, I call the Psychotic Coward’s text message. Example: A client of mine recently received such a text message from her nephew; it was shocking, disrespectful, full of lies and although the writer may have thought he was being clever, it actually gave the recipient the evidence/record of the writers bad attitude and showed him to be delusional! Is that what you want your recipient to think of you?

NEVER accuse someone of a misdemeanour by text. If you believe someone has done something to offend you in any way, then think it through, write it down so that you can get clarity, and even talk it through with another friend/confidant...and then, when you are clear on what you perceive the situation to be, MAKE A CALL but with an open mind. Making an accusation of a wrong doing by text message will not get you the result you want. You may think you are being smart but again only gives a very bad impression of you and causes conflict that does not need to arise!

Text for business purposes requires a little more forethought! If you need to speak to a business colleague or client who is usually busy as certain times (like during office hours), then it may be good manners to send a text to check if they are free to speak on the phone. Some people do not like to be disturbed during the business day or may be in important meetings. Schedule a time to call about anything that does not meet the 2 sentence rule.

Dont fall for the bad advice I see floating around the internet: ie. Ask open ended questions to keep the conversation going...

Sexting is stupid! If you are in a relationship with someone and it floats your boat, hey! Who am I to object? But if either of you are in other committed relationships, then don’t be foolish enough to believe you won’t get caught out - or maybe even betrayed by the other party. Unless you are a glutton for punishment, don’t do it. And if you are in the early stages of dating someone and you love sexting, find out if it’s something the other person enjoys too. Example: A year or so ago I met a guy who invited me out on a date. The date was enjoyable, so we agreed to meet up again. The second date was fun and we laughed a lot. That night, when I returned home I received a nice text saying he enjoyed the date but would be away on business during the week and would phone on the Friday. On that Friday he sent me a text message that asked me what underwear I had on, to describe the underwear to him, the colour etc and finished by expressing what he was going to do to me (in graphic details). Ok, I was astonished. I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but this made me feel sick as it wasn’t exactly appropriate given we hadn’t discussed such things and he didn’t really know me well enough to send that kind of message or my response to it.

How to respond to text messages.

If the text messages creates a negative emotion in you: STOP! Take stock, put yourself in their shoes and ask questions that will help you resolve it for both of you. Questions like: what is going on in the writers life that could have caused this person to send such a hurtful/angry/bitter/etc text? Did they really mean to cause offense or could it be interpreted in another way? How can I stop this from escalating into something worse? What response is appropriate that will show me in a good light? (sometimes that might just mean texting to say you would prefer to have a verbal conversation and refuse to enter into any further messaging).

Cut off text messages that are bullying, nasty, or make you shudder! Don’t be dragged into the spiral.

If you are busy, tired, about to go to a meeting or go to bed, say so. I once had the experience of getting into a social text cycle late at night with a friend...I was in bed and managed to fall asleep half way through a text. My friend expressed their annoyance at no response to what she perceived was a really important question. The next day I called an apologised.... When she answered the phone, her annoyance was obvious, however after explaining what had happened, she reluctantly admitted she felt hurt and rejected. The relationship is stronger than ever as I helped her work through her feelings.

If there is a lot to discuss, then rather than keeping texting, just ask for a good time to call and chat! Text messages are not designed for indepth conversations. Life is too short to be wearing out your fingers and thumbs and giving yourself a crick in the neck by constantly looking down and texting on a phone! Verbal conversations help build your character, self esteem and confidence, as well as avoiding misunderstandings.

Hope this helps you build better relations with your loved ones, friends and colleagues.

Merry Christmas!

I attended a Sea Cadet meeting tonight- well, actually I gatecrashed it! I was at the Liverpool Marina Yacht Club with a friend who is on the committee. I was quite content to sit in the bar with my glass of Pinot Grigio until my friend had finished at the meeting, however the group made me feel extremely welcome and invited me to sit in on the meeting.

I have to say, I was extremely impressed! Firstly, I was overwhelmed not only with the generosity of the community that contribute to the organization. Secondly, I was really surprised at how well the organization operates with soooo LITTLE money. £881 in one year goes a VERY long way in supporting of children to become decent citizens. Thirdly, it soon became apparent that the Sea Cadets (unlike the Army or Air Cadets) receive no funding from their government counterparts. They are TOTALLY self funded! Mostly relying on volunteers giving their time freely or fundraising from private individuals.

Finally, I was even more surprised to discover that there are little or no corporate members supporting the organization in Merseyside... even though corporate memberships starts at just £25.00

It made me realize that, if just 18 private companies contributed just £100 each, direct to one of the 18 units across Merseyside, it could make a significant difference to the organization as a whole.

Let's give this amazing organization some help and financial support. £100 is nothing to most private businesses (and of course is tax deductable), yet can make a significant difference to these youngsters. If you can help, contact the Chairman of the Marine Society Sea Cadets Merseyside branch, Terry Robinson, MBE by email help (at) oceanclipper.co.uk

My, my, how time flies...and many changes can happen in a year or so too.

To start with - I got a promotion! "Three Cheers" I hear you say!

I've become CEO (Chief Executive Officer) and I have a new Managing Director taking over my role. Here's a sneak preview from our press release going out next week:

Optimum Training Ltd is delighted to announce the appointment of Peter Davis, OBE as Managing Director. Peter takes over the role previously held by Amanda Clarke who is the founder of the company. Following 15 years as a senior manager with Iceland Frozen Foods Ltd, Peter established the environmental charity Groundwork Wirral in 1994. He built Groundwork Wirral into a thriving £2 million a year business employing 35 staff before retiring at the end of in 2006. Awarded an OBE for services to the environment on Wirral in 2005 he has subsequently given his time to charitable activities primarily as the Chairman of the children’s healthy charity Life Education Wirral. He is also a member of Birkenhead Rotary Club where he was recently made a Paul Harris Fellow in recognition of his work in Rotary.

So you can see... it's all pretty exciting at my company! What's this about a recession???

I've a number of blogs and I some how managed to miss this one! I'll do my best to keep it more up to date along with my other blogs

A Book You Can Dip Into Anytime!
I was at the PSA Convention this week. PSA is the Professional Speakers Association. I met up with some of my best friends; successful, inspiring, wonderful people who are keen to help each other to Step Up to the next level!
At this conference one of my dear dear friends, a man I adore a great deal, handed me a book that he has just written and published. It's a book that I believe should be on the bookshelf of every home.
It's called Things I Have Learnt From My... Father/Son. Co-written by Paul Bridle and his son David.
It's full of quotes, thoughts and feelings to help you learn about your Father or your Son.

A quote from the learning was "Food is to be appreciated not scoffed!" This is a great quote and one I'll be reminding my readers of again and again. In fact, it represents a fundamental principle of healthy eating.

Nutrition Programme Creates Massive Response

I've spent the past couple of months developing a new Nutrition Programme.
In the UK the government is working hard at promoting healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle because the rate of obesity in our children is increasing. Research shows that the number of obese children has double in the 10 years – government figures show 1995–2004 one in four children aged 11-15 are obese. Including those with threatening health issues it respresents 46% of children in total.
Almost ½ of girls classified as obese or overweight (increased from 15% t0 27% obese).
The number of boys diagnosed as obese, aged 11-15 years has increased from 14% to 24%
Colin Waine chairman National Obesity Forum – claims there is a Public Time Bomb with an Increased number of people that will die of cancer in their 50’s.
1 in 4 adults in England are obese.

• In the UK, 17% of men and 21% of women are obese
These are scarey statistics (Isn't it a good job I didn't post this yesterday, otherwise you might judge my sense of humour, Ha ha!)

Being obese can be harmful to health. It can increase the risk of a number of diseases including heart disease, stroke, diabetes and some cancers
The only way to tackle obesity is through healthy eating and exercise, which requires a change in mindset.
This is probably the reason why so much interest has been shown in my new program.

I'll be sharing some of my thoughts over the next few blog postings.

This week I have had a week in the office for the first time in months!
I've been out in the USA for three weeks before whizzing down to London and Bristol last week, meeting up with some of the most amazing people I know .
I am often asked about these people, so I share some of them with you here.

Terry Brock, one of my favourite people in the world... and now a great friend ...Terry Brock is a professional speaker and a columnist for Business Journals around the United States. He writes about technology, marketing and the Internet weekly in his column "Succeeding Today". He has been in business since 1983 helping business entrepreneurs to achieve success.
He speaks about productivity and increasing profitability for businesses in industries such as banking, distribution, sales, marketing, real estate and finance. If you want fun, informative sessions, and to change your life for the better, Terry really is your man!
Terry manages to educate me s-o-o-o-o much about technology. His aim is to turn me from a technophobic to a techno-babe... not quite sure I'll ever make it to that status though!
Terry and I ended up recording an interview about one of my core skills PhotoReading and you can listen to it here:
http://www.terrybrock.com/coaching/AmandaClarke-PhotoReading.htm
If you want to find out more about what Terry does, then visit his website www.TerryBrock.com

Stephen M Shapiro. Steve another of my most favourite people in the world - although his idea of a "joke" is very different from mine (which is actually very amusing in itself!)
Steve is the author of "Goal-Free Living - How to Have the Life You Want Now!" I met Steve at a seminar in Mexico last January when the book was a manuscript - in January 06 it hit the bookshelves.
I've read the book (being a self diagnosed Goal-aholic - "I love 'em") and it wasn't as "anti-goals" as I thought it would be. It's more about enjoying what you already have and being grateful for that, whilst still having aspirations. Have a look at his website www.goalfreeliving.com . You can take his free goalaholic quiz there too.

Susan Friedmann is one of the most genuine people I could ever have the privilege to know. I originally met her at the same event that I met Steve Shapiro - proving to me that the event I attended was worthwhile! Susan is a "how to" coach specialising in the tradeshow industry. She works with organisations who want to boost their exhibiting results by attracting new business at tradeshows. She is also the author of a number of books including "Exhibiting at Tradeshows". Susan is originally from London but now lives in New York with her family. For any information on tradeshows, this is the person to ask! Her website is www.thetradeshowcoach.com . Have a good look around and remember to join her newsletter for some great tips.

And finally, I cannot go without mentioning Lesley Everett. Lesley is Europe's leading brand consultant and I enjoyed the pleasure of her company not only in the US, but again when I was in London last week. She gives keynote presentations on Personal & Corporate Branding. Last week Lesley was particularly excited as she had been "up close and personal" with two of the main people she talks about in her keynotes, namely Madonna and Victoria Beckham.
Wow! I was excited just hearing the news. Lesley had been to Madonna's concert and met Victoria Beckham in the VIP lounge before meeting Madonna after the show. You can bet that Lesley has now adapted her keynote to incorporate her recent experience. :-)
Some time ago, I spent a day with Lesley looking for some new outfits. Usually, because I'm "fussy" about what I buy and wear, it takes me AGES to find what I want - I try on one thing after another. You know what I mean? I pick it up because it looks good on the shop manikin or in the window, but when I try it on it looks terrible! Ever had that? Well, in one afternoon with Lesley, I found out why. Now I don't even try things on if they don't meet my new "criteria" in terms of style and colour... thus taking all the frustration out of any shopping trip and saving me a great deal of time! :-)
Take a peek at her website www.lesleyeverett.com

Catching up on emails is the hardest task of all! So I'm off to trawl through those... I'll be back when I have finished - which could be in three weeks time :-)